Title: Through Your Eyes
Author: Megsly
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4674531/1/Through_Your_Eyes
Summary: Bella is completely blind, but has a very unique method of getting around her disability. Upon moving to Forks she realizes that she's not the only student in Forks High with a secret.
Rating: T
Readability/Grammar – 6
Humor – 4
Fluffiness/Angst – 4
Fur-friendly (Jake love scale) – 3
Emo-sensitive (Edward love scale) – 9
Smut – n/a
Sensuality – n/a
Is this story complete? Yes
Did the reviewer finish reading the story? No. (Stopped at chapter 19)
*SPOILERS FOLLOW*
Jake lovers: The Quileutes/wolf pack are obnoxious.
The progression of my emotions for this fic was:
“Oh my goodness, that’s really corny.”
“This is actually kinda good.”
“Man, I’m so glad Cora wanted me to read this!”
“Hmm… She’s kinda giving Alice a lot of control. Something I’m not a fan of.”
“Wow, Carlisle wouldn’t be that rude.”
“The wolves are really irritating.”
“This is getting really repetitive.”
“Where did this infatuation come from?”
“That has no purpose—why is it even necessary?”
“This is silly.”
“I don’t want to read anymore.”
There you have it. Since it’s completed I might finish it one day, but the fact that she treats the wolves completely unsympathetically really gets to me. She also falls into a typical blunder that a lot of authors do, and that’s making Alice a primary conductor of everything that happens. Yes, she may do that to a degree in SM’s world, but the fact that it’s a central topic of discussion bothers me.
She also trades-off POVs a lot, which is distracting, especially when it’s from a POV that you’re not familiar with.
I gave it a relatively low Readability/Grammar rating because she runs a lot of paragraphs together, misuses common homophones (e.g. your/you're, to/too, etc.), and has quotes from different characters in the same paragraph. Big no-nos of writing when you're trying to be concise.
Apparently this story is relatively popular. But I think with better editing and a little more promise of Quileute redemption, she would have a lot more readers.
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Thanks for the review, as TYE's was my first story, it is pretty craptastic and one day, maybe, if I ever decide to, I may go in and re-edit the entire piece (though that's really doubtful, to be honest.) However, I can say that though the wolves gain a more positive role in the story, Jacob never will. But seriously, thanks! I'm glad for once someone sees it for the errors it has, I can't quite figure out why people like it as much as they do. It was a first story, a horrible blunder in the world of fanfiction as far as I'm concerned, and a grammatical horror story. I just wish I could bring myself to take it down.
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